You begin to ask, why not me?

I’m not better than them…

I tried to work out how I feel
When you went away
Now my heart is filled with grief
I wanted you to stay

Yeah, I was hurting all year, I was living in fear
Cause you picked up this terminal illness
Yeah your pain was physical, mine was mental
Didn’t want anyone to feel this
Thoughts and strains that contort my pain
Man I sought new ways I could be so resilient
One thing I did was sit with my thoughts and emotions man I had to practice stillness
Real shit....
Man I had to learn not to live in my head
Cause I was living in stress
Cause you were living and dead
Couldn’t even eat all the food that you wanted
Saw how the fam all responded
We didn’t want worries, we didn’t want sorrys
Man we had demons to conquer
No longer will I still be the little me
And there’s nothing out there to belittle me
I gotta move on spiritually
I swear this life’s so bittersweet
Do you remember,
We replaced steaks and lambs
For the aubergine and chickpeas
We had to move on quickly
Didn’t want you to live sickly
But as a parent, you were aware of
All of the pain that your kid sees
Had to transfer my tears to a smile briskly
I knew that it’d hurt if you saw that it hit me
Which means...
I had to live a life right to the day you died
Yeah we had convos but I wasn’t on those
Cause it just felt we were wasting time

I tried to work out how I feel
When you went away
But now my heart is filled with grief
I wanted you to stay
That’s real love
Between you and I it’s unconditional
That’s real love
Here everyday like it’s a ritual
That’s real love
It’s explicit not subliminal
That’s real love
Feel it physical though it’s spiritual

You didn’t just need help with your food
You needed help with the toilet
Something I wish I avoided
But I was appointed
Our relationship meant patience with you
Taking shits
I didn’t wanna spoil it
Piss on it or destroy it, but know that my heart’s with you despite any turmoil
Now I’m looking at your deathbed
And regrets sent me right to repentance
The strength that you left must be represented
Cause the sentence that you mentioned right at your ending
Has made me remember to warn off the storms and fight off the tempests...
While you laid in the bed, and I held your hand
Last thing that you said, AY son it’s time to be a man..
Yeah I know about loss and I know at what cost
Good grief who said grief’s good cause I know that it’s not...
Good Grief who said grief’s good cause I know that it’s not...

I didn’t wanna lose you
But now I’ve gotta choose love
I didn’t wanna fall apart
But you’re always in my heart

That’s real love
Between you and I it’s unconditional
That’s real love
Here everyday like it’s a ritual
That’s real love
It’s explicit not subliminal
That’s real love
Feel it physical though it’s spiritual